Second Time Around

This is my second pregnancy. I miscarried last February at almost 20 weeks along, which (needless to say) was a huge disappointment. Especially after sailing through the first trimester, the time during which most miscarriages occur.

It's funny - I heard hardly anything about miscarriage until I had one. Then all of these women came out of the woodwork with their stories, and it's not so uncommon as the silence around it leads one to believe.

It turns out that having an amniocentesis caused the loss. I was doubly unlucky - most amnios do not result in a punctured amniotic sac, and most of those that do heal themselves. After being confined to three weeks of bedrest it was clear on ultrasound that there was simply not enough amniotic fluid being retained in the sac, and the pregnancy was not viable. Amniotic fluid serves many functions, among them providing a pressurized environment ensuring proper fetal lung development. Every day I went without a viable fetus increased the odds of my developing an infection, which could have led to a host of problems. A day after Dan and I made the decision to terminate the pregnancy I miscarried.

All in all the miscarriage experience wasn't so terrible. I was handled with competent care and sympathy by the staff at the UofM birthing center. The ordeal started around 3am and I was back at home by 11am. The miscarriage did give me some insight into childbirth, but my doula told me that successful childbirth shouldn't hurt nearly as bad.

It's been hard to not think about this experience with my second pregnancy. My body has been telling me from the start that everything is fine, but my mind sometimes wanders back and introduces doubts. It's easy to play out imagined dramas in my head - what if this or that goes wrong? What if I go into pre-term labor? What if???? I try to stay centered and keep my mind in balance with the wisdom of my physical being.

And, deep inside, I feel like this time around we will have success!

On Puking

What biological function, may I ask, does yakking up a perfectly good breakfast serve?

You should have seen the breakfast I cooked - whole wheat pancakes with cinnamon and local blueberries, local maple syrup, butter, scrambled eggs from my friend Kevin's hens, orange juice...it looked and smelled and tasted so good!

My stomach enjoyed it for about 20 minutes, and then I accidentally swallowed wrong - you know, when you have a little extra saliva, and it goes down the windpipe. I had to cough, and I told my stomach to not get involved, but since I've been pregnant my gag reflex is sensitive to strange things like coughing. I even puked one time after a vigorous sneeze.

I felt cheated, after making and enjoying such a great breakfast! I just don't see how losing my breakfast improved any situation.

And it's not like I have morning sickness, which usually plagues women in the first trimester. Now I'm almost 23 weeks along and well beyond my "morning" sickness experience. I say "morning" because what I had was all-day-and-into-the-night sickness for about five weeks. Unless I was actively shoving food into my mouth, my stomach was very unhappy. And, believe it or not, I can't eat all day long!

Thankfully that's over now. I'll try to be more careful when swallowing, sneezing, coughing and brushing my teeth - especially after blueberry pancakes!

Me & My Man

Dan loves having his picture taken, as you can tell.

On our fifth wedding anniversary this year, my parents gave us a card that read:
"He looked at her,
She looked at him,
And everyone who saw that look threw up a little."

True love from the start, or at least from very early on! I couldn't ask for a more steady and supportive partner. This man has an incredible depth of patience. He knows how to laugh, and makes me laugh often. He's like an oak tree, beautiful, solid and strong. And he's going to be a great dad!

If you know Dan you know what I'm talking about.

I'm often amazed that someone so big and strong can also be so dang cute!

(I think Dan's a little nervous about being one of my blog subjects, but I've promised to be reasonable.)

Welcome!

The heat of August is upon us...tomatoes are plump on the vine, cicadas sing in rising and falling buzz, and I'm over halfway through my pregnancy.

My husband Dan and I are expecting a girl in mid-December. She will be the first grandchild in both our families, and is much anticipated!

This blog is a window into many journeys: first, mine as a pregnant woman. If all goes well, then me as a first-time mom, Dan and mine as transitioning from couplehood into family life, and my daughter's from birth through many adventures.

I am eagerly anticipating the paths ahead; thanks for joining me!