Sunday, December 16, 2007

Stillness

There is a foot of snow on the ground after last night's and this morning's storms swept through. All the neighborhood kids are thrilled!

After days of trying walking and various other methods to encourage labor, today's approach has been to not think about it or act to bring it on. My doula says my lack of labor is not due to my lack of trying, and she agrees with me that this baby has her own agenda.

Still, it's hard not to feel a little defeated, although that emotion is overshadowed by my excitement. I'm trying to be calm about the possibility of induction, to not think about the cascade of interventions that could possibly be the path ahead. All the positive stories about surgical birth, and all the encouraging words in the world (especially from people I love) do nothing to dissuade my commitment to the plans for an intervention-free birth...but a plan is just that: a plan.

I have very minimal control here. My daughter will come in the way she sees fit.

4 comments:

Linda Diane Feldt said...

That lack of control is the hardest part. Logic doesn't make it happen, wanting it doesn't make it happen, both birth and death have their own timing I'm just in awe of both.
I've tried to learn to influence both - but my role is so tiny.
Laura, in a sense this labor has begun and you are doing an awesome job. In a few years we'll ask this small munchkin what were you thinking? And then it will all make sense.... but until then you're keeping her safe and apparently very happy!
Ah, life.

Linda Diane Feldt said...

Oh yeah - unaffiliated - that's me - Linda Diane!

Laura_M said...

Funny screen name, considering you're one of the most affiliated people I know!
Thanks for all the support you give.

zoe krylova said...

oh laura, might it be happening today? my thoughts, love, positive wishes, and blessings are with you.